Not The Best Way To Start A New Year...

So I'm here, on New Years Eve, feeling like shit; not wanting to see anyone or do anything but sit here and watch TV. I've been fighting the feeling for a week now, but I'm only so strong, I had to give in the other day. I hate feeling like this; I could be in a room full of people and still feel alone, not wanting to see anyone because I don't want to have to put on that fake smile and pretend that I'm happy, or worse, pile all my problems and feelings on them and then they feel bad. I really hate not wanting to spend time with my loved ones or do the things I want to do, especially on a special day.


Depression is a total catch-22; I hate feeling like this, but at the same time I like it, its my comfort zone. I've dealt with this since as long as I can remember, and I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I didn't have the drastic ups and downs. When I'm down, I feel like...myself, and when I'm up, I feel like I can be who I want to be...like I'm full of life. And I'm torn between whether I'm happy or not about the fact that I don't want to eat when I'm depressed, no matter how long it lasts, I just don't have an appetite. I'm only human so of course there is a part of me that thinks 'well at least I'll loose a little weight', however, I do know that that isn't exactly a good thing. Normally I have a very healthy appetite, too healthy from time to time. So for me to not want to eat, or not enjoy eating at all, is a big deal.


In the grand scheme of things I don't think its that bad of a way to live, I mean, I could think of worse things to have to deal with in life. But I can't help but think how life would be like if I didn't have to deal with this. What would life be like if I could just feel full of life all the time...


I'm glad I'm off work for the next several days, maybe that will be enough time for me to move through this funk and get back to living my life.


Well, I guess I will get back to the TV...maybe watch one of my new movies tonight, and fall asleep around 9, as usual. Nothing special about New Years Eve for me...thanks to me, because its certainly not for lack of trying from my friends.


I do hope that everyone else has a great night, be safe and I'll see you in 2012!

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

Ok, I have to rant on this confounded weather for a minute:

So we actually had to turn on the heat last night...first time this winter, it actually got down to the mid 30s! It truly amazes me how one day it will be 82°, and the next it will be 63°. And it still couldn't be even close to cold for the Christmas weekend... Yet another reason why I hate Florida. Now don't get me wrong, Florida can be very nice on vacation, or in photographs and movies, but living here...day in and day out...it gets old, fast!

I love cold weather; not that I mind a warm, even hot summer, but I would rather have it on the cool side all year than be hot most the year and warm the rest. 

I'm originally from Georgia, and in Georgia we actually have seasons; the weather changes from cold, to warm, to hot, to cool, and then back to cold...there is non of this 20-40 degree difference on a daily basis! Of course this drastic difference in the temperature is only during the fall and winter, spring and summer are pretty much just hot or hotter (after you hit 90° you're just to hot to care if its higher than that lol). 

I'm use to the summers and the heat down here now, even without having air conditioning in my car. But after 7 winters here my body still cannot get use to the crazy weather this time of year. It reeks havoc on my body and my psyche...ugh...

Alright, rant over... 

I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

No white Christmas, but it wasn't blue either!

Well it was a great Christmas for me! Even though it was an unbelievable 80 something degrees down here on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day lol.

First off, Santa Cherry (that's me) was able to get a little something for her family, which made her extremely happy! I was so disappointed thinking that I wouldn't be able to do even a little bit, but when I got off work early on Friday, and that being payday, I decided to battle my way through the crowds and go last minute Christmas shopping...and for those of you who don't know, I do NOT do last minute Christmas shopping, or Black Friday shopping for that matter; the sales just aren't worth it to me. But luckily I was able to get everything I needed at the one-stop shop that is Target. They saved my ass and everything was on sale! So one hour and $70 later I was ready for Christmas! Plus, nobody was home when I got there so I didn't have to sneak things in, so I was able to surprise everyone (my parents and my brother) on Christmas morning with presents under the tree! And to top it all off, everyone loved their gift (way-to-go, Santa Cherry)!!

Moving on, it was SO good to see my brother for a couple of days! Work was slow and I didn't get called in on my days off (Sunday and Monday) so I got two good days to spend with my brother. Though I didn't go to our neighbor's party on Christmas Eve, we had a great time Christmas night when we went over to their house for dessert; staying up till midnight talking and drinking. I did miss not having my sister there, but we video chatted with her and her family for a few minutes so we at least got to see and talk to her.

I got much more from "Santa" than I was expecting too! First of all, I got about five used Xbox games from my brother (ones that he doesn't play anymore), and my actually present from him was the new/old Halo Anniversary. So happy about that because now, even though we live in different states, we can play Halo together like we use to when it first came out! I also got Wipeout: In The Zone and Disneyland Adventures, both for Kinect, two DVDs; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and some cute hair pins from my aunts, uncles and cousins up in Georgia. Along with the XBox and Kinect, the ring, purse, and glass pumpkin I got as early presents, it was quite a Christmas!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too!

My early Christmas presents from Lee:

  The Glass Pumpkin; White with black stem                                               The Ruby Ring

Some of my Christmas presents from the family:

                                                                                           Video games

DVDs